Mary … I don’t know how you do it. But it’s like your love is peeling every layer of me to making me completely vulnerable to you. I have to admit, you gave me way too much access in the past and I knew how powerful our sex was when it came to healing or trying to fix something…. I took advantage of it….I always knew our sex was amazing. And honestly it’s an out of body experience everytime. I used this to my advantage…. And let me not say it that way because I love you and love our sex but I over abused your access and this is why I need you… because you are helping me see clearly of the actions that I need to repair. Everything I try to cover up… you peel back.
So please don’t judge me..
this is hard for me to actually say but….
It’s like I’m stripped down to the toes…. & it doesn’t make it better mentally for me because i have a habit of masturbating to you way too much. ..And i truly think that’s what makes me over think….I don’t want to just think nasty, when you point out something or look at me. I just really can’t control myself with you right now… It’s just been so long so my urges are everywhere my hormones are going crazy….you had a physical live I’ve never experienced…. And it’s like no matter how much I masturbate it never compares…. And I’m not trying to be nasty….im being honest…& to get to the moral purpose I’m opening my eyes Mary. It has to be deeper than physical. MORE THAN PHYSICAL! And I just want you to know I do love you deeper. I know i tell you I’m scared all the time. But as a man….. I’ve never exposed all of my true actions and how i feel to someone… it’s like I’m giving you complete access to me and my vulnerability… but that fear was just me being uncomfortable expressing the truth. You know everything now Mary… I have no power, no upper hand and nothing to depend on to get you closer but my heart. I admit i did put faith into us being sexual…but now….. I’m just praying for you period… all of my flaws are uncovered… you know it all Mary….. and right now I just feel powerless…. I don’t know what to say to you anymore…. There’s nothing to say to get me closer to you…. There’s nothing to say to make us physically active, there’s nothing to make me change back the hands of time, there’s nothing to hold and lay with you, there’s nothing to control our connection and communication…… i have nothing to say but I Fucking Love You Mary…. You’ve stripped my armor….. this thick layer of skin I try to withhold …. You have me soft as cotton… And that just scares me because I’ve never been this vulnerable in my life…… but i would risk my all….. my last breath…… for you Mary. Who am i becoming…. 😔
and to the plate below... HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU MURDER THIS FOOD IN FRONT OF MY FACE LIKE THIS OMG>>> A WHOLE MURDER SCENE!
