A Hard Day...

Today's A Tough Day

Today was kind of tough for me.... I'm not gonna lie controlling my thoughts became a little challenging today. I really cant stop thinking about you... Today is my first time journaling without speaking to you...I guess this will be my first journal entry to finally vent.... TRANSPARENCY.... I dont like the distance.... but i respect your peace and your healing.... I just miss the shit out of you Mary... This is not IT. but Its not my way anymore...... I mean literally the whole day hoping for something.... I feel lonely without you.... but I know why we are here.... and thats all that matters. Maybe the beach gave me different hope or perspective.... but then again youre probably with you're probably with your family. So i know the vibes are flowing.... I went to cold plunge again... it really helps me Mary. definitely helps with the overthinking and im getting better at it.. I refuse to give up my growth... But i prayed for you again! I always pray for you and myself of course. but I hope youre ok and I hope this journaling doesnt come off wrong... you probably dont even know about this because I havent heard anything about it... lol but honestly im not doing this for attention its actually mental relief and good for you and theres nobody I would prefer to know whats on my mind then you. I really want to be Transparent... so no matter if we never speak on days....I'll always talk to you here as long as I can. I love you Mary.