whyilovemary

A Day of Rest & Peace

Sun, 12 Apr 2026 06:06:20 GMT

A Day Of Rest & Peace...IMY

First & Foremost I hope you have a phenomenal day ❤️. I am so happy to be off this weekend it’s not even funny m. All I want to do is eat, watch movies, and cuddle with Bary lol which is exactly what I did lol. I made videos for you at 3am but i was just eating cucumbers and green beans bored thinking of you lol i watched them and pulled my self away from putting them in here lol! I saved it so maybe I’ll change my mind. But I miss you….. as always that’s not new information for you to read. Lol

I spoke to Shey tonight we had a beautiful convo about you. lol she told me yall talked. She really does like you Mary �� lol and so does my mom she always asks about you! So that convo made me feel good at heart… i don’t know my heart has just been very full lately and now i want to increase the bar… I really am happy about these changes internally I feel… can’t necessarily show them but I feel very good. I feel like I’m in pursuit of me…. So Monday I’m gonna to implement my eating and Bulk strategy….. no more missing gym… pray twice a day morning and night…. STOP SMOKING. And to continue to miss and think about you every step of the way ….

I really wish you knew what just the thought of you does to me…. The strength and confidence it builds in me…. It’s really indescribable. But I’m not gonna go into explaining that I just want you to know I’m thankful, & blessed to learn Life from you… the softer version of life. ❤️ I love you Mary and your family. Just want you to know my heart beats for you all and my prayers are always sent for you alls protection… I love you Mamitaa❤️......

below are just some moments for you baby...

its something about him being close to me.... i just take advantage of every moment i can love on him & you....

I did not want to to give you these videos because once i played them back i felt corny af lol.... but i want to be intentional with you and if i say im going to do something i always wanna come through for you... so since I said i was gonna show you heres two of them. lol

You and my son are by far the best blessing this earth has given me... I've always imagined this version of the man I'm. becoming and I'm defintiely about to increase the bar... I just pray this universe lets you know you are my everything and everything that surrounds you... and I will never stop building my strength and confidence for you... I feel it.

So For One I Miss You....

Fri, 10 Apr 2026 16:46:30 GMT

So for one I miss you...

So it's only right to start the day off with the thought of you. I did not get any rest last night because I had so many websites to catch up on. But you better believe I caught up on them! I hope you are having a beautiful day and you got some good rest. You have a big weekend ahead of you watching all these kids! lol but I absolutely love my babies so you better spoil them....Actually Im gonna make sure you do! lol

Oh and how about yesterday was my first day back at the gym in 6 days.... I have been missing the damn gym but i've been so tired lately.... so this weekend i'm probably gonna catch up on sleep and spend time with Bary and workout. So please if you need anything beautiful i'll be right here to help you. I'm thinking pizza for the kids or if you want to cook either way you will be good!

Also your family has been on my mind so please update me on my champ, Junior , and how has Pooh been feeling mentally...is she pushing her self and are you there for her? And of course Pops.... how is your dad doing is he in better spirits and health? All them were on my mind last night so I wanted to make sure I send my prayers which i need to do after this journal so I got you! Hug and kiss mommy for me and Grandma! I love and miss them and please hugs my babies for me to. I know I asked alot of questions but I cant pretend like they are not apart of my heartbeat you know..... You don't just meet a family as loving, caring and accepting as yours......ohhhh and let me not leave out crazy to lol im JP... But yes just want you to know that I love and care about you darling and I hope this day brings you nothing but joy!

Speechless...

Thu, 09 Apr 2026 04:17:17 GMT

Speechless...

You popping up today… my heart can’t even express in this journal entry the joy you bring to me. I just want you to know your hug and seeing you ….. Goodnight Beautiful ❤️ I just really appreciate you! And I always want you to know that even if I have to say it everyday which I know I do. But you really left me speechless….. ❤️

And as for the picture below....I just miss ya'll... I really do.

Good Morning Beautiful

Wed, 08 Apr 2026 14:47:51 GMT

Good Morning Beauiful

Just want you to know i'm very thankful for you. I woke up this morning happy and thinking about you as always. I hope you had a good work day yesterday. And I also you didn't have to spend to much on Mia. LOL but its ok we have to spoil the kids!

But overall I had a great work day yesterday! My aunt Angela and Jazzy came to see me yesterday! I was extremely shocked. They said they missed me...... I miss them to Mary.... That true me is coming back and the universe is making all possible..... I love this pursuit of happiness and I truly appreciate you for inspiring me. Oh and Uncle Mark came by right after them lol. he needed some papers lol! But the day is just starting so ill probably add more here later beautiful love you and Mia yall be safe !!

Keep You On Your High...

Mon, 06 Apr 2026 16:37:28 GMT

Keeping You On Your High

I feel some type of way today.... I don't like putting you on a high and disappointing you .This whole story today you told me ... After re evaluating and hearing what you said I did take it personal.... I said too much, when all I needed to say is "you are ok" ..... I just want to be there Mary....

I'm not perfect. But the way I will gather the necessary tools to fix it for you is indescribable... I have to keep you on your high...

A Dive In My Thoughts.... (READ LAST)

Sun, 05 Apr 2026 20:39:47 GMT

Let me explain the moment to you...

I closed my lip prior before approaching your lips with the clause of allowing me to get lost in the moment…

You accepted with no restraints to pull back. I re assured you that I would be completely respectful when everything in my body felt you pulling me in. But it was different today… I was truly lost in the moment today…. Behind these closed eyes explored a different galaxy with you …. And there was nothing but you… within that small window of that kiss with you …. Felt like a lifetime fucking lifetime that I did not want to let go of….. and from that moment i realized….. it’s more to me now….

(I’m emotional happy right now and I don’t want to lose these words for you right now… so work with me lol) ….

Respectfully…. Back then each button would have been un-done on that denim….. but Mary I couldn’t let you go I was lost in you….. not the kiss you… i couldn’t let you go….holding you..... And in that moment I realized I’ve never been so in tune with you the way I am now….. and to the parents that created you and our God that blessed this Angel (you) upon us….. I’m so fucking thankful to be taught the true meaning of Love… and an all around love that for so long …. looked so beautiful on television that I could never imagine it happening for myself…. Mary I can stare at you all fucking day without saying a word painting the universe of plans in my head for us….. if you ever invested into anything in your life that was worth it…. This is it.…. Best Easter of my life.

Everything I put in this universe is for us and the things that surround us such as our loved ones and the one that matter most.... I have faith in the universe and us always... I just want you to come here....

The Best Easter...Part 1

Sun, 05 Apr 2026 20:29:41 GMT

The Best Easter ❤️

I just want you know by far.....this is the best easter I've had in years..... I just want to let you into my thoughts for a sec.....Don't over think just read........ For the thirty minutes you were here..... I want you to know everything minute by minute...... Let's start by saying there was not a second I couldn't take my eyes off of you...... Never would I have imagined to open that door and see you beautiful ass standing there the way you were.... the joy in my heart wanted to slam that door and scream so loud because I just cant take it any more..... I have nothing to say. Only to remind you everyday that I miss you and I love you... thats all that needs to be said. But today screamed something totally different... from the very moment you dialed my number this morning..... Your Laughter, Your Joy, automatically made me just as happy as you! and the beautiful thing is we both woke up together and based off of your energy I was automatically connected....Thats the moments I pay attention to now Mary....the moments that have purpose and that counts... and every moment you are near.....my tongue becomes numb to the words I want to express to you.... because you know I how I feel.... Now that I've muted my tongue my eyes can't help but to get lost in you.... It may sound corny to read this from me.... but my body shuts down and loses control around you... and now i'm pushing you out to leave lol. but its deeper than that...... I asked for permission to get lost in your kiss..... and I haven't found my way back yet Mary........ I just want to give you one day in my thoughts..... I want you to feel the way I nourish your heart with all the things you enjoy, I want you know how pleasurable every physical moment would be, I want you to know there is no greater purpose on this earth besides you and My Liam.....

and when you send me my pics ill add them to the journal entry ❤️

Look at ya'll..... I miss both of you..... and I received my picture. this is also my screensaver.

Nurturing Your Intuition ❤️

Fri, 03 Apr 2026 14:44:52 GMT

This is a subtitle for your new post

How can I explain these past two days… This feeling you give me … I really wish everyone could experience. Somehow you pause time when I’m in tune with you…. And your voice notes….I can replay them so many times ☺️. Mary somehow you made this man love every single detail about you. You are slowly opening up to me and letting me back in…. You’re letting me be there for you when you are in need and Mary I’m very thankful. All I ever want to do is be there for you and I will proceed with care and love anytime you need anything from me. I mean it when I say I don’t want you stressing…. That’s a man’s job and to be honest I’m pretty good at stressing and getting the job done. lol but isn’t that Everyman in your family! All the guys work hard, support their wives and kids, and they repeatedly do it everyday and come home with the same love and affection for the ones they care about. I’m that for you! There is no need for you to stress…. Ever. I’m so soft and gentle with you but yet confident in my approach with you Mary. Very confident to the point I hear your heart…. You can never block

Our energy Mary…. And the more you allow me to lean and love you…. The more you are gonna feel it. But like I said …..a very gentle approach. What’s really crazy is you are actually calling me in the midst of this journal entry lol AINT YOU SUPPOSE TO BE AT A CONCERT…… hold on now journal I’ll be right back….

Part 2.

You see what I mean…… You stepped away from your night to call and check on me and Bary. (Even though you was on the toilet��) but it’s just the thought of you considering to reach out…. You’re absolutely amazing Mary…. I don’t even know how to finish this journal entry…. Everything literally happened in the middle of writing this….I was really gonna write about “OUR” dog lol but this quick convo at 10:20 pm was my highlight…. And I’m just here smiling at 10:50pm ….. I know you feel that magnetic chemistry between us… even when you are far away I feel it but I have true confidence in your intuition ❤️ - I provide a little play time video of me and Bary earlier.... lol I hope you love it.

and for the part 2......Jesus I was so happy after I got off the phone with you last night.... had your boy sleeping like..... A BAYYYYYYYYBAYYYYY lmao! This is why I need you here...... I have more memories to create with you Mary......

Let Me Remind You..

Wed, 01 Apr 2026 17:00:49 GMT

Let me remind you...

I want to make this as honest and pure as possible... There is nothing out here that serves my purpose on this earth more than you... You don't see it yet... and there are no words that can help me explain that.. But I can guarantee my Love and dedication for you is completely true.... the purpose of you period...serves me internally and physically. What better blessing can I ask for.... And your family..... I truly love them all and this love thats being expressed from me and consistenly growing within me wants to be there for every single one of them... I experienced a new love from every single one of them.... your sister, keep encouraging her to always want the better version of her self. never let depression win! remind her she's surrounded by so much fucking love we would never let you fall Pooh! to many hands to lift you! And I pray over there marriage... That man would jump off a cliff and climb back up for her..... Remind them love is the best thing worth fighting for in this love and together is always better...but it takes two to be on the same page! so I will always pray for their strength to get through these endeavors. Your mom..... All i ever wanted for her is to be happy. Her soul is so beautiful..... I miss her convo so much .... but lets continue to help your mom and support her when she needs help. possibly order or cook for her time to time or a movie night to give her that relaxation she needs... and Cody and Clarence.... they have my babies over there! but JR. thats this king of the family and I will always continue to pray over him as well! & your dad......is who I would want to be there for the most.....(It will never happen probably) but my universe works completely different than his.... But I need him to be strong in his time of sickness. He has to understand that if he creates frustration for hisself it will effect him. Remind him always theres nothing to be mad at.... theres nothing to worry consistently about.... enjoy life. remind him of the kingdom he has created and the wife that carried him along away. Keep feeding him love even when he's uncomfortable with it. let him know we all love him!

I know you tell me not to put to much pressure on myself Mary, but this pressure is creating me into the diamond I need to be.... and when that diamond shines to its full potential Mary.... you then should inherit the best creation on this earth that perfectly resinates with your heart and your spirit.... and that diamond will one day be placed upon you to create a life long worth of memories... Mary... I'm falling deeper in love with you...and although it may seem that all this journaling is an expression on how I feel but if you dig a little deeper Mary..... You are the root to the creation of me. Your heart, your love, your family, your resilience, your strength, your smile, your beauty,..........nourishes every fucking cell in my body .... I want to fulfill every experience you've ever thought of....All I need to do is know... I I will make sure the universe makes it happen.....and trust me I understand why its cloudy for you... I just want you to always remember that behind those clouds lies a sun thats gives life to earth...and all I want to do is shine for you baby. I Love The Shit Out Of You & No Matter How Much These Tears Fall On This Keyboard I'm Good With Knowing This Love Right Here In My Heart Is So Fucking Real....

One Of Them Days

Tue, 31 Mar 2026 18:55:03 GMT

One of them days...

Ughhhhhhh...... Well I last night was kind of hard to sleep. I missed you and was thinking about you alot. I love who you have me becoming and I look up to you Mary. Some nights I sit back and think of what does Mary love? lol And realistically I know everything you love. But all thoughts were definitely positive just a hard miss you phase! I dont see anything wrong with that...

But let me apologize for dimissing you this morning..... I kind of knew my attitude was in a funk because I was asked last minute to tend to Smokeland..... The door was left unlocked last night here... a customer was in here at 6 this morning the alarms went off, and on top of that the roof of the shop is leaking and caving in...... the smell is horrible it's a damn shame.... But overall what I'm trying to say is I never want to dismiss you.... But I do want to protect your energy and what you're surrounded by. So I just smelled the flowers I guess... took a step back and just took care of the situation honestly. But I could have at least told you what was going on but I was handling alot of calls because this roof can really collapse I think the AC busted... I put the pics below. But overall I hope you are having a good day.... Ill probably add more to this journal before I go to sleep.

Smiling From my Heart.

Sun, 29 Mar 2026 14:34:12 GMT

Smiling From My Heart...

I catch myself smiling a little bit more. Watching you leave has always been difficult but now… I’m appreciating the time more and your presence. I don’t want to risk losing any moments with you! I guess that’s saying I love and I miss you right… lol went to Gee’s party it was pretty dope definitely a good time not a lot of people there just family and his friends lol. I also want to say thank you for the random text messages and calls… that truly makes me feel good just hope I’m returning it back to you! I always appreciate you and i appreciate you letting me in slowly! I can see you Mary…. Loud and clear and my heart is in tune with you. I call myself missing Bary today as well! It’s like when y’all both leave I’m right back lonely af lol but i really do appreciate all this time you’ve been giving me.

I’m not gonna be able to go to Georgia. Clearly i have an issue underneath my car…. It’s been having me in a mood all day but it’s no worries it will get fixed. I just hate i can’t get to my little man. And this is exactly why i don’t go out �� but we didn’t do anything big anyway just drinking the garage and that was about it. Really just his homeboys and the boys girls. They all keep asking about you to! Definitely the girls! But maybe in due timing they will see you again! But that’s my journal for the day! Of course I’ve prayed for you and your family and will always continue to do so! I love you Mary.

A workday with you…

Sat, 28 Mar 2026 14:54:59 GMT

A workday with you.

Only if you knew how anxious I was to know you were coming to sit with me at the job today…. lol I’m like a kid in a candy store when it comes to you. Just can’t get no candy �� lol I’m JP but the enjoyment and the happiness it brings to me to know that you are coming is everything. It’s like you’ve introduced me to a different passage of loving you…. My heart always drops when you pull up… but then at the same time I find myself getting lost in your beauty…. I can stare at you for the remainder of my life line. And lord you almost made me feel some type of way when you ready your journal in front of me …. Omg i almost told you to stop that lol I guess that was me being a little embarrassed lol but for what…. I’m not trying to hide my love for you. Like you look soooooo good! Eye contact is much deeper….. the hugs are becoming longer, the anticipation always grows stronger when you are on the way… see this is the way I should have been loving you before! But you make me commit to this. You make me see the real definition of true love and what it takes to fight for the ones you care about. I don’t see my self losing the battle to get your love back…. And that’s because i know my soul is tied to yours…. I know it is….. you stared me down when you was leaving the parking lot…. And i proceeded to stare you right back down… and not in a negative way! How can i describe it….. let’s just the stare gave me something to look forward to…. Deeper than physical but a mental intimacy out of this world….. it’s a glow about you…. Your energy gives off this aura that makes me feel unstoppable around you Mary. It makes me feel like I can give you everything…. From the tingle in my bones and the shivers in my feet….. you have my mind, body and soul….. and I just want to say Thank you Mary for being just absolutely fucking incredible. I use to beg God for you to see me…. Pray everyday! Mary just the thought of you pushes me beyond measures….. i want a peaceful life with you…. A ring in your finger…. A garden…. Animals…. And powerful conversation everyday that refills your heart everytime you feel empty…..

You are the reason I am the man im becoming….

It's All You...

Fri, 27 Mar 2026 17:53:11 GMT

IT'S ALL YOU

I don’t really wanna journal today. I really just want to glorify and appreciate you. You’ve come along way Mary. I’m extremely proud of you. Your beauty is absolutely remarkable. You have a glow out this world. And your smile…. Believe or not your smile is everything. Like there are no worries in the world. Your strength and confidence! Never imagined meeting this version of you! But it is far more attractive… and I’m very interested and curious lol! I just want you to know with everything that’s going on around you…. I want to tell you something that I’ve learned that really pushed me through life Mary…. And you need to take this very serious….. He said “With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility” lmao….. did you laugh??? I cracked myself up lol but no. Real note. I’m extremely proud of you and this new version of you is sexy. Through all I’m doing throughout my daily activities no matter what my see…. My sight always ends with you. Lol that’s cute. Mary I love you and thank you for being there and reaching out

Just Want To Say Thank You!

Thu, 26 Mar 2026 14:16:31 GMT

Just Want To Say Thank You.

I haven’t journaled in threee days … i guess I’ve been present in the moment. lol but no seriously just appreciating all you do. I hear from you more… you don’t have to do that but you did. So I just want to say thank you! You’re allowing me to do what I feel is best for you with limitations. You’re slowly allowing me to give you a display of the protection and security I would love to provide for you! Just want you to know i know it’s hard for you to ask for something so just know i don’t expect you to ask sweetheart…. Just expect you to accept ❤️. And as long as you accept I’ll always be here to protect. But off the sensitive topic lol I hope you’ve been having an amazing couple of days! Nothing really new over here just websites and consistency! Just wanted to journal and tell you thank you! Oh and ya crazy son pissed me off this morning! right when im getting ready to walk out the door he decides to piss everywhere. lol I need to be a stricter father.... you see why we need momma around ....Because He Would NEVER!!!!. But I love you gotta get back to these websites. I LOVE YOU!

Peeling Back My Layers....

Mon, 23 Mar 2026 03:45:29 GMT

Peeling Back My Layers....

M ary … I don’t know how you do it. But it’s like your love is peeling every layer of me to making me completely vulnerable to you. I have to admit, you gave me way too much access in the past and I knew how powerful our sex was when it came to healing or trying to fix something…. I took advantage of it….I always knew our sex was amazing. And honestly it’s an out of body experience everytime. I used this to my advantage…. And let me not say it that way because I love you and love our sex but I over abused your access and this is why I need you… because you are helping me see clearly of the actions that I need to repair. Everything I try to cover up… you peel back.

So please don’t judge me..

this is hard for me to actually say but….

It’s like I’m stripped down to the toes…. & it doesn’t make it better mentally for me because i have a habit of masturbating to you way too much. ..And i truly think that’s what makes me over think….I don’t want to just think nasty, when you point out something or look at me. I just really can’t control myself with you right now… It’s just been so long so my urges are everywhere my hormones are going crazy….you had a physical live I’ve never experienced…. And it’s like no matter how much I masturbate it never compares…. And I’m not trying to be nasty….im being honest…& to get to the moral purpose I’m opening my eyes Mary. It has to be deeper than physical. MORE THAN PHYSICAL! And I just want you to know I do love you deeper. I know i tell you I’m scared all the time. But as a man….. I’ve never exposed all of my true actions and how i feel to someone… it’s like I’m giving you complete access to me and my vulnerability… but that fear was just me being uncomfortable expressing the truth. You know everything now Mary… I have no power, no upper hand and nothing to depend on to get you closer but my heart. I admit i did put faith into us being sexual…but now….. I’m just praying for you period… all of my flaws are uncovered… you know it all Mary….. and right now I just feel powerless…. I don’t know what to say to you anymore…. There’s nothing to say to get me closer to you…. There’s nothing to say to make us physically active, there’s nothing to make me change back the hands of time, there’s nothing to hold and lay with you, there’s nothing to control our connection and communication…… i have nothing to say but I Fucking Love You Mary…. You’ve stripped my armor….. this thick layer of skin I try to withhold …. You have me soft as cotton… And that just scares me because I’ve never been this vulnerable in my life…… but i would risk my all….. my last breath…… for you Mary. Who am i becoming…. ��

and to the plate below... HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU MURDER THIS FOOD IN FRONT OF MY FACE LIKE THIS OMG>>> A WHOLE MURDER SCENE!

A New Plan... Putting US FIRST!

Sat, 21 Mar 2026 04:17:17 GMT

A New Plan...Putting US First.

So you calling me every morning for the past two days..... IM BLUSHING!!! LOL but even though I appreciate you calling me, I paid attention to all you were talking about on the phone. Shaunti, Your Dad, & TT....... Mary...... How can I be there? My heart hurts when you you go through these things privately. So I dedicated this journal entry to let you know I've always had a plan and you are protected.... I work full time now... so heres what I was thinking....

SHAUNTI & THESE HOURS:

I never wanted you worrying about the money, and I know you trusting me right now is very hard for you but you are more than secure over here and here is what I was thinking.... I would lIke to give you $250 every week..... that's $1,000 dollars a month... it doesn't interfere with my personal budget. Reason I say this is because you will still be working your hours and putting in your own work, but this will allow you to remove the worries of making sure you can cover any expenses, gas, or food. and if you need more i'm here.... I just want you to know i'm in a position to where you honestly don't need to work... but I would want us to get to a more secure space in recovering our relationship before we go into those depths... but the $250 a week i'm firm on.... but this will be up to you to let me know. I dont look forward to nothing and I dont want to ask for anything... I just want you to always know that I love you and everything im doing is to secure our future. You will never see my actions through these words I type, you probably will never see these actions anytime you speak to me but only me and God knows what is happening. You're making me want to not only just love you, but protect, nourish, and secure your protection.....You will see day by day I've been placed here for you. But thats the man you make become for you! ITS ALL YOU! ....I love you Mary and I chose to love you.... your problems are my problems, your pain is my pain...... Let me help you with my heart guiding it every step of the way....

TT & Your Dad

Two of the strongest most difficult people ive met in my life. LOL but all jokes aside my love and prayers are always with them. I dont miss my prayers for their strength and protection. Surround them with love no matter how aggressive they are. Forgive them even when the things they say shouldn't be forgiven. I love the fact you forgave and looked past your dads actions. hes a difficult man but aren't all virgo men lol..... but no matter how hard he portrays to be.... I see right to his heart. and his heart is right there with you and all of you! SO never feed into his negativity, counter attack it with positivity. let him know love always wins! You will always be there regardless! and TT im in deep prayer with her.... But one thing I do know is that SHES GOT THIS! Ive seen the miracle, ive seen the recovery, and she will give in to seeing the family. Trust me. They always cave in. no one wants to be alone. So I just want you to know my love and prayers all with you all always baby. I love you Mary!!

PLEASE LET ME HELP YOU.... YOU CAN TRUST ME...

I Miss You From A Distance....

Thu, 19 Mar 2026 16:34:11 GMT

I Miss You From A Distance....

Hola! Hope all has been good with you. Not to much to say just been at peace with a lot lately. I’m just happy with my progress right now. I truly feel like I’m stepping into my power. Everyday I keep consistent everything in me and around me changes. That also comes with prayer. It’s beautiful to sit back and notice how much progress has been made through my worrying and anxiety…. My overthinking was killing me…. But the consistency always provides results. So I guesss what I’m trying to say is my heart always tells me to remain consistent with you in your time of disappearance and I’m understanding it more and more everyday. SO yes i miss you. I dislike when you just randomly disappear and i dislike not hearing from you period. But that’s apart of your healing and it’s not including me. I respect it. So get better…. Because anytime you decide to fix your eyes this way… you will see the man you fell in love with ten times greater… and when you hear me…. You should hear nothing but the positivity and beauty I need to compliment you on obtaining your strength to get through every thing…. So I’ll continue healing and I hope you are doing the same…. Just hope the healing brings me back to you.

I’m starting to realize in silence I’ve loved you in so many ways I couldn’t express…. And as always prayed for you and your family and the strength for your dad and TT…. Love you always Mary..

Confident....

Wed, 18 Mar 2026 16:30:52 GMT

Confident....

I guess I’ll get right to the point tonight…. I’m craving you…. And it’s weird the craving is stronger than it’s ever been…. I’ve been uncomfortable the past few weeks about not talking to you as much and wanting you to be around… but I’m starting to understand…. Im ready for you Mary…. Every bit of you…. And the longer you resist me the longer my love and passion will grow for you… I imagine you here… i imagine what it is that you would want me to do and accomplish…. I’ve been so uncomfortable without you but I’m stepping more into my power and things around me and my confidence feels different. Which is why I’m confidently speaking you into existence…. I’m waiting for you…. Every bit of me. I’m always gonna love you Mary… and you will see. Most importantly you will feel my love for you… you’re making me better and I hope I’m respecting you and allowing you to heal and step into your truth and power! But this resilience project has you tuned in! I’ve always wanted this for you! So keep grinding Mary! And my prayers will be right here to support you! ….. and yes i prayed for you!...... Im becomnig the man i should have been for you Mary....

TOP OF THE WEEK!

Mon, 16 Mar 2026 14:27:51 GMT

Top of the week.

So first and foremost I hope you had a great weekend. I've been working double time alot. So ive been catching up on sleep I start a new gym cycle today so trying to really attack my goals. Also ive decided to put the tree down. I wanna clean my body and get more in tune to me. Ive been feeling different lately. Walking with more confidence and proud of who i'm becoming and everything inn my heart tells me you are doing the same! Ive received more blessings and taking advantage of the opportunities. Cant wait to hear about your weekend or whats been new with you! and yessssss of course I prayed for you and your family as always because I love you all no matter how far you all are from me. I just have a good feeling the universe has something special in store and i'm going to walk closer to that objective everyday and thats starting with me. I'm proud of you Honey. Love you always and love your family to!!! ❤️ attack the day with confidence and remember your strength is resilient. theres no one like you......

Just Another Sunday...

Sun, 15 Mar 2026 14:46:32 GMT

Just Another Sunday...

First and foremost I hope your mother had a fantastic birthday! I really hope she received all the love she deserved! But overall nothing really new with me just working working. Staying busy. Probably about to start back in this gym today and get back on track. I haven’t been to the gym since I’ve been back. But i don’t want to get to much into myself just wanted to check in and let you know that I do love you and I hope all went well for moms bday… don’t really have anything interesting to share lol. But have a beautiful day I prayed for you and yours as always!

Happy Birthday Momma

Sat, 14 Mar 2026 16:10:10 GMT

Happy Birthday Momma

First and foremost Happy Birthday to your beautiful mother. Because what needs to be realized is without her there would be no you! So please please make your mom feel special on her birthday. I know alot has been going on around yall but sh needs this love and reminder of affection on her day! So I will put my love in the universe for her and I hope she receives nothing but love on this amazing day. Also I’m so sorry. I forgot to journal last night I was so tired after driving here and going straight to work. I was really exhausted. I felt like a zombie at work. I didn’t even make it to the gym. But overall everything is good definitely got the rest I needed definitely touching that gym today and idk probably just eat and chill and hit this computer. I hope you are doing well beautiful! And BIG BIG HUGS FOR MOMMA TODAY! I hope yall have a good time and make the best out of today! But any ways love you not to much to really type about today lol still praying for you and us and your family! ❤️

ACCESS...

Fri, 13 Mar 2026 03:21:36 GMT

ACCESS....

I sat back and thought. You were always accessible to me when I needed something. No matter what it was. So as a man like i said my main concern is you healing….Talking to you today was everything but I felt the love in return from you. I want to make this the last journal entry about how I feel about the things you’re doing…. And not in A bad way lol just think you need more healing instead of more things to read and these talks…. I’m tired of thinking about what I did in the past…. And staying there will not let me progress for you. But this strength of yours…. This resilience you putting yourself first and realizing how much you’ve invested into me. I think that’s is beautiful Mary to see you grow. I extremely loved how we handled today’s call. All i wanted to do was listen to you…. I heard you Mary. Every single word. There wasn’t one thing you could say to me to make me think otherwise for my wrong doings. But today marks a new day and the present is all I’m worried about. In 100 percent here for your healing Mary and I will always allow you to heal ❤️ and yes remove my access because if you ever give it back….. I’m sinking in your love Mary. I……Love….. You…. And i don’t see it any other way.

Last Day.

Wed, 11 Mar 2026 17:46:01 GMT

The LAST DAY..

Hey Hey…. Hope everything is good with you… everything has been going well Liam is over here up at 1:30 in the morning being extremely annoying. We took a nap earlier and now we just over here up. I was expecting to hear from you today. Lol it’s starting to become clear that I need to stop expecting. Well I’m gonna keep it pretty simple tonight just wanted to let you know that I love you. I hope this journal thing isn’t doing to much. It feels like I’m talking to air when I wanna talk to you. Sometime i even ask my self is this how love is suppose to feel…. it’s like I’m in a reality of wanting better for us but at the same time still accepting that I pushed you away. Who knows this diary might one day explain who i really am as a person…. I think everyday who I’m becoming. 90% is confident that I will be the best man for everyone around me…. But as a healing man believe it or not the 10% percent is more scarier….. if i dig deep within the doubt of myself, i see myself giving up…. It’s scary. Love is just scary…. I’m a overthinker, space from you makes its easier and difficult at the same time. But this is not my Honey… and as i heal I’m starting to realize more that I have to fight the biggest battle of my life and that’s for you….. never has anyone in my life put this type of affect on me…. And me becoming more vulnerable is just…. I can sit here and say I don’t like this all day…. But that will never change anything. It’s hard to come to this journal everyday with out over thinking. But i always make sure i end my journal with my love for you and prayer…. I really hope my love for you can be manifested. Because I do love you. Just hope it’s not too late for you to see… love you honey goodnight….

It’s crazy i have to come back here at 4:51am…. This boy did not want to go to sleep … soooo i decided to do a late night drive only around my moms neighborhood of course. I played baby soft tunes hoping he would go to sleep… but he too real for that lol but yeah just thought i would come back and tell you i love you goodnight or good morning whichever ….

Making Memories With LIAM

Mon, 09 Mar 2026 05:45:14 GMT

Making Memories With Liam

I can’t even lie! My heart is full right now! I’ve been waiting to see this boy since I’ve been down here! He’s getting so big! His hair is getting long my son about to be a ladies man!!! lol but it’s all good because as soon as he walked i. The door you can tell he was tired! But i wasn’t going for any of that he had no choice but to stay up to with me. Lol I have so many videos of this boy falling asleep eating cookies lmao!!! But we watched the movie RIO then attempted to watch despicable me. He definitely didn’t make it through that movie! Lol but overall I’m very excited i got to see him and spend time always! Of course I’ve been thinking about you and when I’m gonna hear and see you again… this shit be making me feel like I’m in the military trying to talk to you. And you better believe I still don’t like this. But what ever I have to do to get back to your heart I’m always gonna show up! Well I’m about to pray for you I hope you have safe travels back! I love you honey ❤️

A Day With The Kiddos

Mon, 09 Mar 2026 01:13:28 GMT

A Day With The Kiddos

Lol lord have mercy today was one for the books Mary. These kids are getting big right in front of us.... Does that mean we are getting old or just me lol. Today was really refreshing though. Me Aiden and Alisa watched Venom today then Alisa fell asleep, then Aiden wanted to play his VR lol so we tried, but definitely had fun later. Of course I got the gym in this morning so that was already a great way to start the day.

But overall I thought about you today patiently waiting on that text to say you aree back or just to hear from you. I miss you like crazy always but I know you are over there enjoying yourself not thinking twice about this journal. lol but its cool whenever you decide to come to it you know it will be right here. I hope you have safe travels back I love you and will always pray for you! Love you!

Finally In GA

Sat, 07 Mar 2026 15:27:35 GMT

Finally IN GA!

Im not gonna lie.... this drive to GA was one of the my worse drives ever... I was so damn tired lol I didn't make it here until 2 am I had to work and I ended up hitting the road as soon as I got off. I'm never doing that again. But overall I made it safely. I'm ready to see my lil man but he wont be here until Monday. So I guess ill just use the time to watch movies and catch up on sleep and work. Oh and i'm definitely getting in the gym down here so they can see whats really going on. I have a point to prove. but overall I just want you to know that I love you and I did pray for you. I hope you are having a phenomenal time on your trip! ill be back tomorrow for my next entry!!! And also i caught myself watching the video of you sleeping again lol maybe i miss your snoring and drooling but LOVE YOU MAN ALWAYS

Becoming Better.

Fri, 06 Mar 2026 14:56:06 GMT

Becoming Better

I woke up feeling very positive today.... I'm ready to go full force in everything I do.. I guess thats what comes with the power of prayer and my love and strength to be better for you. I started this journaling thing with the intention on letting you know whats going on with me and how I feel about you, and its becoming more and more natural for me to do. I guess thats my way of telling you I always miss you. In plus me journaling allows me to keep my damn mouth closed as well lol allows me to listen more and honestly im just in a phase of learning and growth. You are providing that to me along with life. Only thing I can think about is being the ultimate version of myself to give you the world. And only if you knew what you are doing to me. It's a miracle. I've always wanted this for myself . But you always seen me and I want you to know I'm hear to see you! You see this journal will always remind you I love you Honey and everything around you..... plug me back into your heart so you can see the energy we can produce! It's you Mary... and every chance I get im gonna remind you....that you are beautiful! You pushing me to see my son is everything as well. I know you want more from me on that as well but you just sit back.... Momma Honey is gonna make a beautiful entrance into his life soon and forever... I need my son to feel that love from you. But its ok.. The man i'm becoming will not allow anything less that you being truly comfortable and trusting in me and you better believe im on a hunt to get it back.

I was sad when you texted back saying I couldn't get Bary.... but i know you wanted me to see my lil man and dont worry I'm out tomorrow! I love you though I hope you have a great trip.

Keep It Going.

Wed, 04 Mar 2026 15:28:07 GMT

Keep It Going.

It was good working with you this morning. I always enjoy seeing you but of course I had the thought of you leaving and going out of town. You know my nerves get back when you travel. But like you said I know you're protected. I hope you have a great trip overall! I'm pretty exhausted today, dont really have to much to say honestly.... But Yes I prayed for you and yours along with me and mines as always! Love you Mary...

Strength & Growth

Tue, 03 Mar 2026 03:20:11 GMT

Strength & Growth...

I'm not gonna lie... I'm stronger than I'ver ever been. When I say that, I mean mentally and physically. I feel it, I see it, and i'm finally living in the moment of every second of it. I'm becoming calmer.... But besides me... your family is really on my mind right now. I know Junior has been going through it and TT is dealing with this situation as well.... I believe in the power of prayer and I'm definitely sending mine over to you and yours everyday.. I love you and I love them just as much... Wanting better for you always includes wanting better for your loved ones and family. So I will send my prayers for strength to you and yours as always tonight.

I want to say I appreciate you getting us Panda Express... actually.....you didn't eat.... I've been very exhausted lately having been sleeping like I need to... But as soon as you gave me the opportunity to lay on you... of course i'm gonna cave in.... I was knocked out.... All I needed was you near. And im glad you didnt blow my bathroom up. lol coming in here with the boo boos. lol But I'm about to get back to my websites. Love You Mary I'll Pray For You All Tonight Hope You Get Some Good Rest ❤️

Trusting You.

Mon, 02 Mar 2026 04:00:23 GMT

Trusting You...

I don't know what it is about you Mary... But this new you is everything. I'm just learning so much from you. You're talking to me more.... you tell me you miss me.... and you make time for me... and the making time for me is whats beautiful, because with the time you provide me you let me into your space of healing and you teach me along the way. And you are right this is not weird.... it's EVERYTHING. I see you more than ever.... and i'm starting to feel you internally.... I always said it's weird and I'm finally understanding why it feels that way.... Trusting you and your love helps me drop the guard that protects my heart... In order to have you I have to choice but to commit to your love and I always chose to guard my heart. But everything tells me I'm so protected with your love! So I will continnue to pray, I will continue to meditate with you, I will continue to journal, and most important I will continue to listen, protect, and keep you safe at all times and this journal is my word... I'm Always Trusting You and Your Love For Me, because life has never introduced me with so many magical wonders and a beauty so unmatched out of this world like you.... I could say something simple like I want to give you the world....but honestly..... the world feels small compared to what you're truly worth. I think you deserve something much greater than that....like a love that protects you! You are very rare Mary and you are very resilient. I'm very thankful to be apart of life with you anywhere near.... ❤️ I don't see my past anymore Mary... All I can think about is the future with you..

I Praise The Ground You Walk On...

Sun, 01 Mar 2026 02:22:12 GMT

I Praise The Ground You Walk On

I really just wanna keep this short and simple... I praise the ground you walk on Mary. I couldn't run if I tried.... I know you're for me and I know you know I'm for you. So if healing is what you need, I need to be there to pour into you, support, and respect you. So when you asked me if I was leaving tomorrow..... automatically my heart said I wasn't going anywhere and I know you love me and your heart is all there for me...I need to be there to repect your healing.... WHAT I DID WAS WRONG!.... Plain and simple Gary. So if i love you like I say I do, and you love me like you say you do....I have nothing to worry about...Im creating the fear and i need to be confident in your love...... and maybe we are creating a different type of love and letting go of the previous....perhaps thats why this feels so different. I just want you to know you're the one for me...I'm committed to my growth Mary.... and this is all because of you.... I made it my mission.....I pray about it all the time.......I owe you the world plus more and the more I see you Mary my heart screams louder and louder... I hear you Mary.... and because of that I will never fail in life with you and surrounding you around the things you want and help you grow... Youre gonna see. I love you Mary and im about to pray! And my dick is still hard........ lol

Can Sunday Get Here...

Sat, 28 Feb 2026 04:44:20 GMT

Can Sunday Get Here...

Ready to see you is not even the word.... I feel like i kind of disappointed you by not texting back sooner....you never responded back. I'm so pissed at myself for that. I received your message smiled, started to respond and caught a regular stealing a bottle of pills in the store.... I'm thinking I sent the message this whole time but that was whole situation so im truly sorry about that! That was totally my irresponsibility for not making sure that message sent because i definitely opened it when i received it.... But its all good you texted me both days and checked on me so im very appreciative in plus i want you to have fun.... I'm going to sleep early any way shit im ready to see you, hug you, lay on you, kiss you..... all the above but most importantly vibe and connect spiritually..... I miss this new presence of yours when its gone. But I'm gonna pray before I got to sleep I'm watching the 3rd Mummy movie again so ill be up for a little min. Bary is sleep.... Anyways I love you Mary ❤️

A Better Day

Fri, 27 Feb 2026 04:34:36 GMT

A Better Day!

So Im not gonna lie everything about today was perfect. I heard from you more today and this weekend you blessed me with he opportunity to spend time with Bary. I missed him so much! well both of yall of course. But I must say I am very impressed with how you have trained Bary. I haven't had any problems with him. I also stayed consistent on taking him out and feeding him the way you would, but im not gonna lie I did not let him sleep in the cage. We made a cot on the floor and both passed out lol. Definitely had a good time with him. But how can I forget the true highlight of my day! Seeing you of course.....and we not gonna forget about the red dot on your forehead. You made it look cute though lol but I still dont see how that happened lol. But overall im gonna keep this entry very simple....and of course I prayed for you! I'm looking forward to spending time with you Sunday and listen to "So Good"! thats my jam now lol it automatically makes me think of you! But im about to hit these sheets! I love you always and forever Honey! ❤️

Just How I Feel...

Thu, 26 Feb 2026 04:49:29 GMT

Just How I Feel....

today's journal entry is gonna be a little different.... I kind of want to base this entry off of how I really feel. I really dont even care about you reading the journal anymore....its really becoming therapy.... my thoughts are always running but for some reason this just allows me to get it out.... I guess my question is how do i put the love that's so loud that I have for you on mute? I really just hate this feeling... you're my person and im last place....honestly I really don't even know if you think about me during the day.... After I see you the feeling of when Im gonna hear from you again truly hurts more than anything..... I'm getting use to you leaving, i'm getting use to not hearing from you to often, I'm getting use to distance...... its crazy because my thoughts were truly calling out for you today.. and the moment I wake up you texted me. The convo even felt weird....Like why are we even texting like this questioning when you can talk to me....like this can't really be life..... a schedule on when you can contact me is crazy.... and everyday i'm starting to realize how much at the bottom I am.... Im at the bottom steadily trying to find a way back up..... and its crazy because if i spoke to you about this I know what you would say.... I guess all im trying to figure out is a way back to your love even when I feel in last place.... But I told you I would go to war for you and the battle is within my thoughts... I guess we will see who wins......but im about to pray for you.... i texted you back, but no response.... But I love you Mary.....

Part 2.......

Never would I think I would return to this .... same night......my heart told me to text you at 11:11.......and you knew.....we spoke and you gave me clarification. Mary....I love you and I see you for who you are and I SEE YOU HEART MARY.... and I will continue to show you that.... you the paragraph above is my thoughts.....but this here is the growth of putting my heart first... and I want my heart to mirror the same beat and view of life as you... Goodnight Beautiful.......

Your Intuition ❤️ With A Little Hocus Pocus lol

Tue, 24 Feb 2026 23:55:24 GMT

Your Intuition ❤️

So first and foremost getting up this morning was not a problem at all. I was ready to see you. but everything about this morning completed my whole day.... and then Bary..... i've missed yall so much. Listening to you talk today was a motivational turn on for me. You're healing....and at the same time healing others. And then I can forget about me being the second person to know that youre a witch lol but all jokes aside I dont look at you any differently. Honestly my woman has superpowers so mess with me if you want to lol. We listened to the J. cole album today! I see why you listen to it over and over its becoming a habit for me lol. But i knew you was fr when you started explaining every song lol. And I really dont like the fact that you dont be eating to much... thats not good for you and I dont want you starving yourself.... but why when you are with me youre starving lol.......but it doesn't matter because either way im gonna feed you! Because a slider and Panda Express BAY BAYYYYY lol you AINT ATE ALLLLL DAYYYYY.... lol and then of course getting back to the house.....I was actually able to lay on you..... going on almost two months I havent been able to be close to you...I could have fell asleep so easily and peacefully on you...but my time is limited so I try to make the best of what's been given to me. its like all I can do is stare.... then the infamous pic of you climbing the tree and mentioning the garden painted something different for me....Im learning the simplicity of you.... the nature version of you as well....and its just making my vision much more clearer..... and one day you will see the final piece.... and you are worth that! And back to the living room ....when I was rubbing your feet, I noticed your feet rotating circular in a region but ....Im just gonna leave that at that... but the kiss.... it was more in depth....I felt you again. But of course the time came to an end.... and the ending sucks the most.... because I know when you leave I just wait for the eye emojiiss.... but hopefully one day ill have more time with you. You said Sunday so we will see... but im praying it falls through! Im excited to get Bary this weekend if possible too! spending time with him makes me feel close to you. and before i forget YOUR LITTLE DIVORCE COMMENT TO YOUR PARENTS LOL LORD HAVE MERCY THE LIMIT HAS BEEN REACHED LOL but of course im always gonna pray for the best for your family. Well I dont wanna do to much, I dont want to start feeling weird about doing this journaling lol so ill be back tomorrow! I love you Mary and Yes I Prayed for you!

A Spiritual Connection In The Making...

Tue, 24 Feb 2026 04:37:05 GMT

A Spiritual Connection In The Making...

So I'm gonna be honest.... I feel like this is about to be my best journal entry yet because today was just complete..... Ive missed you so much, everyday i'm waiting on these eye emojiis to come to my phone... lol I was so happy to see you come up on my phone today. It was such a relief..... I was glad to hear you were able to make it to see your family, even though it was a short time frame anything counts! but I do love you being around family. It fuels you and believe it or not you being around them fuels them as well. Everyone loves Mary around lol! but yeah i definitely want you to be around your family I was ready for you to tell me you wanted to go back because I would have definitely made that happen for you. But today was interesting... we texted most majority of the day...and then voice notes back and forth to each other.....(I SAVED EVERYONE JUST TO REPLAY YOUR VOICE ON MY OWN TIME) ...shit i dont mind being transparent... I miss your voice. I miss everything about you. And then you putting me on this new J.Cole. When you gave me the assignment to listen to this I was ready you hear me lol but i needed that nap! I know we talked about The Let Out being the best song by far but as im typing my journal currently i keep randomly screaming lol " GTF Up Out MY Face WHATYOUTALMBOUT lol ...yeah you did something finding them songs. but never did i realize the topic of music would introduce me to a totally new version of you.....A spiritual version of you..... Its amazing how the deep connection of lyrics in songs resonate with you.....ive been like that for life....and to find out you read the lyrics lmao! yeah just alike! But all jokes aside you got me very interested in a version of you ive never seen before..... It's more of a calm, healing Mary. I hear it in your tone when you speak.... the confidence in your tone as you tell me your thoughts and perception on the spiritual presence of life.... You're meditating now, you have your crystals, you pray more, you're becoming aligned with you! The fact of you wanting to be more eager to learn more things and be more teachable to others is everything. Even when you said You prefer to be righteous than right... something along those lines. And also im interested in knowing about the God in you.... your throat and heart chakras i think it is...I want to know this new version of you.... You not having no one to talk to about this is crazy to me because who wouldnt want to learn from you... You give life Mary without even realizing it..... and im tired of being opinionated.... the more i listen and pay attention to you makes me feel liek ive been living life completely wrong this whole time.... but then again lets me know that a new journey of spiritual love might just begin in a deeper fashion than we could have imagined.....I mean what if we had to go through the worse to where we feel completely empty to clear up space to soak up the true spiritual meaning of love...... me letting down my guard, becoming vulnerable, becoming transparent, not making excuses, has shifted my whole meaning to life....im fucking journaling lol and I havent stopped typing yet... because I want you to see what you always seen in me.....My Heart... the beat i carry in my heart is from the rythym and chemistry we share....You make me better....I didnt see it but I do now. And because I am committed to this journey im always gonna be committed to pouring in you and fueling your aspirations in life. SO if i have to meditate with you....teach me...I'll learn.......you helped me discover my God....and no tears, no text messages, no journaling, or calls will ever be able to show you that... But I Promise You For As Long As I Get The Blessing To Be In Your Life..... Moving forward I will make life a day to remember each day because life without you is empty.... and this vision of a new Spiritual Love journey with you is just everything worth looking for! But mam I done wrote a whole damn book.... but I'm loving recording my love for you.... its my way of talking to you without you interrupting lol IM JP! but its my way of saying I love you Mary....when you feel like you need to question anything! Youre coming over tomorrow morning and tomorrow night lord I cant even sleep im so happy to see you! I just wanna talk talk talk! hell i wanna go to work with you and talk all day ill take a 5 hour energy for this lol but tomorrow....... im looking forward to it! and im sorry i got the ryan gosling picture as the pic for this journal entry but honestly this is exactly how I felt from every message received from you today. I LOVE YOU MARY! & of course I prayed for you again!❤️

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I Hope You Are Well

Sun, 22 Feb 2026 03:39:42 GMT

I Hope You Are Good..

I woke up today feeling better... still thinking of you of course lol but im good I have to remember you need this space... I wasn't able to go see my little man this weekend I really miss him. but I spoke to Carmen it would have been for one day anyway. so this weekend coming up or next im definitely getting him! I miss him... so im definitely looking forward to that. I wonder how you are doing. Im always hesistant to text and interrupt you now... I dont want to be a nuissance. But how can you fight love? shit I love you and my heart wants to go full force but I keep hitting the brakes.... So I just continue to put it in the universe. I did alot of deep thinking about my family and the man I want to be.... its crazy how clear life is becoming to me Mary... past 30 days ive really applied myself....no days missed in the gym, no days missed praying, cold plunging, journaling, .......im trying... All I can do is sit back and recall everything that feeds your love language and im trying to fulfill your appetite... well i know you are coming back soon and im looking forward to it. i know you said you will have more time this week so hopefully I can get some of your time... well I love you Mary and ill pray for you and continue to put our love in the universe. LOVE YOU!

A Hard Day...

Sat, 21 Feb 2026 03:26:35 GMT

Today's A Tough Day

Today was kind of tough for me.... I'm not gonna lie controlling my thoughts became a little challenging today. I really cant stop thinking about you... Today is my first time journaling without speaking to you...I guess this will be my first journal entry to finally vent.... TRANSPARENCY.... I dont like the distance.... but i respect your peace and your healing.... I just miss the shit out of you Mary... This is not IT. but Its not my way anymore...... I mean literally the whole day hoping for something.... I feel lonely without you.... but I know why we are here.... and thats all that matters. Maybe the beach gave me different hope or perspective.... but then again youre probably with you're probably with your family. So i know the vibes are flowing.... I went to cold plunge again... it really helps me Mary. definitely helps with the overthinking and im getting better at it.. I refuse to give up my growth... But i prayed for you again! I always pray for you and myself of course. but I hope youre ok and I hope this journaling doesnt come off wrong... you probably dont even know about this because I havent heard anything about it... lol but honestly im not doing this for attention its actually mental relief and good for you and theres nobody I would prefer to know whats on my mind then you. I really want to be Transparent... so no matter if we never speak on days....I'll always talk to you here as long as I can. I love you Mary.

This Crazy Early Morning News LOL!

Fri, 20 Feb 2026 03:14:11 GMT

Thats My BF Thats My BF

LMAO Im not gonna lie Ive been hollering all morning about this! im not gonna say it but you better hope she aint got yo travis scotts because thats gonna be 5 charges total lol ....but let me stop. Today is the day you go visit your family and of course im over nervous about you getting on the road. But I know you will be safe, theres way too many prayers surrounding you. I was looking forward to you calling me when you hit the road. But I understand you probably got busy or forgot about me.... It feels weird being in that category now... We always talked to each other... why is it without you im more interested in knowing whats going on.... I should have been like that when I did have your time...but i guess this is time to reflect on how good I had it right.... I dont even know if you made it or not. I told you i would give you your space so ill always respect that. but I hope that you are having a good time with everyone I know everyone is always happy to have you. But Im getting tired just wanted to put something here I prayed for you again Mary! I love you...

The Beach With You....

Thu, 19 Feb 2026 02:48:01 GMT

Our Date At The Beach...

Lol not gonna lie..... was very excited to get to my computer and vent about this night....It was everything I could imagine plus more...I wanted everything to be perfect for you. and it seemed like you really enjoyed yourself. well at least I hope you did. Sitting on the beach and listening to you was everything ive been missing plus more. Its so much life in you and youre helping me access that best features of my heart. I can still sense the pain and hurt from you... definitely when you mentioned how much you had to sacrifice and me always flashing money... that truly made me feel like shit... but honestly I deserve everything that is happening to me. It's like day by day the pain of being away from you hurts more.....I dont like leaving you.... I dont like not being able to see you... it actually scares me...BUt my goal is growth and im really committing to the uncomfortable to become a better version of myself for you. So when I offered to give you my wallet I was serious....everything im telling you im very serious.... I want to be better and let my heart lead..... me....journaling is crazy...but my heart wants you to have the perfect love story..... so yes giving you that money didnt mean shit to me because honestly my thoughts alone of you strive me to accomplish the impossible and for that I will always be ready to lead when you are ready. and how could i forget you facetiming me once you got home.... That was the smile i needed from you......So I hope you have a safe trip. Our prayer was everything and I will always pray to keep you and yours safe! I love you Mary I really hope we can continue what was created on the beach!

An Emotional "The Notebook" Date

Tue, 17 Feb 2026 05:39:01 GMT

So this is my first time attempting to journal and i'm not ashamed to say that "The Notebook" movie gave me the idea lol...

So. this is completely new to me and I will be honest, never in a million years would I expect to be beside you in a movie theater recreating how we met with the perfect love movie.... That day couldn't have been more perfect. Then you had me on shrooms lords have mercy.... You know the start of today I was thinking about how much it meant to see you on our first date. You contacting me about seeing this movie just made me feel like my prayer and thoughts were heard.... I dont get to many chances to text or talk to you so watching this movie gave me the perfect idea on how to vent and keep you in the present with me even though youre not there. I guess im trying to say im always thinking about you and really miss you and your presence Mary... which is why this movie hit me so hard today....I want to be a better man..... From the start of that movie I was emotional because he seen life in that womann since the first moment he laid eyes on her and I felt like it was the same for me.... I told you what it was from the first moment we shared I memory physically together.... I meant that....just never understood it.... Being able to watch this movie with you and just be emotional was everything.... I never cried so much.... but did I cry because I was hurt, or I was embarassed? I felt all of the emotions but ye still felt disappointment.....But if i can vent and express my feelings everyday by journaling... I want you to be apart of it all... I want to get better at being expressive..... You make me want the best and not just for me but for you!!! I refuse to ignore this magnetic connection between us and Im glad I was able to watch the best love movie with you... so i guess moving forward we will see how this whole journaling things works out.. Love you Mary... this is my first time doing this I plan to get better.